PAgent’s Progress

We decided to have an informal get-together on Memorial Day, centered loosely around my showing off our new grill. So we told our neighbors that if they wanted to join us, to come over around 4:00 pm, and to bring something to throw on the grill, and a side-dish to share.

We put out a couple of banquet tables, lawn chairs and folding chairs, and I fired up the Traeger. Although our expectations were low, it turned out to be a great neighborhood gathering. We are lucky to live in a cozy area where we actually know the people who live near us. Mostly that is due to my wife, the social one, but I get to reap the benefits.

One of the nice aspects of the gathering was the number of kids running around playing. From toddler to fifth-grade, we had a good spread of ages, and there were yard-apes zooming by on scooters, bikes, and wagons all evening.

By the end of the evening I had grilled two packages of hot dogs, one package of brats, two chicken breasts, two ribeye steaks, and eight hamburgers. I was using a mix of mesquite and oak pellets, and they all turned out tasty. (Did I mention how much I’m enjoying my grill? I thought so.) Earlier in the weekend I had marinated some almonds and pecans in a worcestershire/curry/garlic mixture, then smoked them for a couple of hours. They were pretty tasty, but I can think of some seasonings that I would like better. But this led to my wife spending the evening telling our neighbors that her husband had “smoked his nuts” and cackling delightedly. Whatever makes her happy.

If Memorial Day is the official start of summer, then I can’t think of a better way to kick off the season.

Recently the daily Oregonian asked its readers to select a strip to replace the limited reruns they had been publishing of “Calvin and Hobbes.”

They ran a week or two of each candidate, and then asked readers to vote on their favorite strip, which would then be added to the comics lineup.

The candidates were: Classic “Peanuts” (reruns of the beloved strip by the late Charles Schulz), “Adams’ Apples” by local artist Jim Adams, “Lio”, “Cow & Boy”, “Dog Eat Doug”, “Pajama Diaries”, and “Cleats”.

They announced the results today. I personally liked the darker more surreal options, like Lio or Cow & Boy, but I would have been happy with most any of the choices. Except the one that actually won.

“Peanuts” got nearly half the votes. I am shocked, amazed, and depressed. Here the subscribers of the Oregonian had the chance to be exposed to some fresh comic talent, with new ideas, new characters, and new situations. And instead they chose to return to Lucy pulling the football away from Charlie Brown again. Hyuck-hyuck, that never gets old.

Gah!

You people deserve to read bland crap. I’d like to say that at least I’ll be able to read the strips I want online, but more and more comics are limiting access to subscribers only (see the link to “Pajama Diaries”, above).

This result is so incomprehensible to me that I must be out at the end of the Bell curve on this subject.

Just like so many other subjects.

So, scamming people on eBay is pretty low, wouldn’t you think? And if you were the one that got scammed, you would be pretty ticked off, wouldn’t you? And wouldn’t it just be awesome if there was some way, somehow, that you could have sweet, sweet revenge against the scammer?

The Broken Laptop I Sold on eBay (note, some mature content).

Folks, if you’re going to be a creep and a liar in the electronic age, you better learn to cover your tracks. Ha!

It’s that time again, to wonder down memory lane and relive the glory days of music videos.

We all know that Mozart was a giant among composers. But few have rendered a more moving tribute than Falco:

Falco – Rock Me Amadeus

Nothing says ‘love’ like straw boaters and lederhosen:

ABC – The Look of Love

So where did the name Spandau Ballet come from? According to Gary Kemp, “There were bands around at the time like Cabaret Voltaire and we didn’t have a name and Robert Elms, who is now a well known writer and broadcaster over here, was one on our scene and he had just come back from a trip to Berlin clubbing. He said ‘I’ve got a great name – ‘Spandau Ballet.’ You know, Spandau is a place in Berlin and we thought it sounded incredibly exotic and we took it. But it was a few years later that he actually admitted to us that he had seen it written on a toilet wall in a Berlin club, so I guess the truth is, we stole it from another band.” If it’s on the Internet, it must be True.

Spandau Ballet – True

And finally, It just wouldn’t be right if I didn’t have at least one video full of hot chicks.

Duran Duran – Rio

See you next week

Do you remember the kind of notes you wrote your Significant Other when you first fell in love? Sloppy, sentimental dreck, most likely. Even if you managed to keep up a reasonable degree of romance, I guarantee the ratio of informational to emotional content increased geometrically after you got married. No more cute love notes in the lunch bag, or Post-It Notes with hearts on them stuck to the refrigerator. That’s just the way it is.

Except it really isn’t. It’s not that the love and caring evaporates from the communication between spouses, it’s that it gets encrypted. It gets run through a filter of shared experience, and comes out in a sort of shorthand.

For example, let me decode the email I received from Mrs. Agent this afternoon, line by line:

I have washed the horse. It’s in the dryer. Boy it smells so much better.

Translation: As you know, the most recent ginormous stuffed animal that our daughter is unable to sleep without has been getting progressively more and more disgusting. We have discussed the high probability that her need to sleep on it every night is responsible for not only some skin conditions, but a lingering odor detectable upon waking. As we have also discussed, by laundering said stuffed horse, the potential exists that it will become unfit for continued nocturnal use, with the subsequent complete and utter emotional breakdown of our eldest child. I just wanted to let you know that we have embarked upon an effort to launder said horse, and while it is too early to determine whether it will be able to return to her bed, at least progress has been made in rendering it more hygienic.

You have my permission to use any and all means necessary to rid the mailbox of ants. There is a huge pile of eggs in there now. I feel like ants are crawling all over me since I brought the mail in.

Translation: My long-held revulsion with creepy-crawling insects has finally overcome my initial reluctance to use toxic chemicals to control the ant population in our new mailbox. I must admit that my initial attempts to use eco-friendly agents has failed, and am requesting that you employ multiple lethal chemical agents to eradicate the infestation, as I know you greatly enjoy that sort of thing.

Remember to make an appt with [endocrinologist].

Translation: Beloved, I am aware that while you can quote the dialog from every Monty Python sketch ever filmed, you are constitutionally unable to remember to make a doctor’s appointment. By providing you with this gentle reminder, I am effectively washing my hands of any further obligation to make sure you make the necessary phone call. If I go to the pharmacy and they can’t refill your prescription again, it will be your own damned fault.

I’ve an appt to take in the Sienna for an oil change, etc. on Wed. 5/31

Translation: Dear one, I have become weary of your endless inquiries as to whether I have recently checked the oil, the tire pressure, the coolant level, and /or the transmission fluid in the new car. I am therefore scheduling a visit to the dealership to address these issues. I suggest you hold your tongue regarding this subject in the near future.

Feline toenails have been trimmed.

Translation: I am sympathetic to both your bloodloss and the scarring that tends to occur when the cats’ claws grow a touch too long. I am also aware of your concerns that they might find themselves dangling helplessly from the curtains by a snagged rear paw. I have therefore today wrestled them into a cat carrier, dragged them screaming to the vet, and sat upon them while the vet trimmed their claws.

You owe me a tall, cold Colorado Bulldog.

We obviously had to drive north last Friday, to rendezvous for our Buddy weekend. After we turned left at Olympia, we began to catch sight of the Olympic Mountains. While they are magnificent in their own right, especially when covered with winter snows, they are especially beautiful when they were your constant companions growing up, and you seldom see them.

Sometimes they look so beautiful it takes my breath away. It was therefore a real treat when the weather gifted us with a lovely sunset behind them.

When you have left an area you love, even simple things catch your eye. I loved the way the discarded shells gleamed against the rocky beach.

We saw bald eagles flying along the canal, and resting on the floats. We saw a sea lion out for an evening swim. The second night, we had another beautiful evening, with calm water, interrupted only briefly by some loud music. It was coming from the other side of the canal. Unbelievable.

And one more sunset pic of my beloved Olympics.