PAgent’s Progress

If I ever happen to come across as a wee bit defensive, or even paranoid, about riding my recumbent bike, there are good reasons for it.

I’ve been yelled at, laughed at, crowded off the bike lane, and nearly clipped by cars and trucks. And while you might think “Hey, ALL bicyclists get that kind of abuse”, I can assure you that there is some special hatred out there for recumbents.

Don’t believe me? This is an excellent example of what I’m talking about.

So I hope I can be forgiven for being a bit prickly about trying to keep my precious skin safe while having to ’share the road’ with such assholes.

Have you heard James Blunt’s song “You’re Beautiful”?

I have. Many, many, many times. I hate it. It’s a whiny, sappy ballad about a loser who gets a glimpse of a hot chick with another man on the subway, and creates this absurd fantasy romantic ideal about how heartbreaking it is that they won’t be together forever and ever and ever.

Give me a break. You saw a hot chick. You’ll never have her. It happens to the rest of the adult male world every single day. Get over yourself.

Oh, and “pure” and “sure” are supposed to rhyme. If they do not, you are pronouncing one of them incorrectly. Unless it is your intention to be “shore” of something. But I digress.

Fortunately, I do not have to waste any more of my energy mocking Mr. Blunt’s work, because the king of song parody, Wierd Al Yankovic, has done it for me. Please listen to “You’re Pitiful”.

Hail to the King, baby!

Ah, that curled lip, those dangling earrings, the fingerless gloves: it must be Billy Idol.

Billy Idol - Hot In The City

You may love GN’R, you may hate them, but you couldn’t escape them. They were always on the radio. And besides, it was always fun to try and spot Slash’s eyes.

Guns N’ Roses - Paradise City

Oooh, and what could be more quintessentially ’80s than a tune from the “Miami Vice” soundtrack, by a former member of the Eagles?

Glenn Frey - You Belong To The City

And finally, one of my personal picks for worst song of the decade, and definitive winner of the ‘How the Mighty Have Fallen’ award:

Starship - We Built This City

Whichever city you may be in, I hope you enjoy the first weekend of the summer.