PAgent’s Progress

As promised, the good folks promoting the film “Slammin’ Salmon” have sent me some schwag (promotional items) with which to reward my faithful readers. The incredibly heavy box I received in the mail included 14 T-shirts in a mix of M, L, and XL sizes, emblazoned with the slogan “WORKING HARD FOR JUST THE TIP”:

Neato!

However, the rest of said incredibly heavy box included approximately a bazillion buttons and promotional posters:

Now, I can certainly envision having some sort of give-away to hand the shirts out. That sort of thing happens all the time, and, AND it could drive traffic to the Progress. But what in the name of Jay and Silent Bob am I going to do with all those posters and buttons?? I mean, handing out that many items would involve actual real-life personal contact with people and stuff. Um, HELLO? I have a BLOG? If I was that comfortable with human interaction you wouldn’t have found a blog here to begin with. Besides, the idea of standing on the corner handing stuff out begins to sound like real work, which I am allergic to.

So, here’s the deal. If you want a shirt, leave a comment with a VALID email address, and the size you want. Considering that a long holiday weekend is coming up, and in view of the December 11th premier, you have until Monday December 7, at which point comments on this post will be closed and we’ll determine the winners.

IF there are actually more than 14 valid comments, the winners will be determined randomly. As is always the case here, PAgent is the final arbiter, judge, and jury.

With respect to the posters and buttons, if you want some please drop me an email and I’ll try to hook y’all up. Otherwise I’m hoping some of you will share one or two very creative ideas on how I can distribute them.

Please bear in mind that the original idea, and the basis under which I received the schwag, was to advertise the film. So ideas like “bury them all in a deep hole”, while amusing, will not be given much consideration. What I need is some method of getting the posters and buttons into the hands of people that would appreciate them, without having to work too hard in doing so.

I’m counting on you guys. Don’t let me down.

Pardon me while I vent for a moment.

The Internet is, without question, the greatest assemblage of information in the history of mankind. Even more impressive than the sheer volume of data accessible via the Internet is the utter simplicity and ease of use of its interface. Having grown up in an era when you were limited by the contents of your local library, and further limited by your ability to shuffle through a catalog of 3 x 5 cards and your mastery of the Dewey Decimal system, it’s nothing less than a miracle. You can find the answer to very nearly any question you can formulate out there on the Internet.

Want to know about llama ranching? Trivial. How bad for you WAS that mocha frappuccino? You don’t have to guess. How about some more mundane yet esoteric query? You will readily find the answer.

So, if you actually take the time and effort to leave a comment complaining that you don’t understand some reference made in a post, or in a webcomic strip, when it would literally take less effort to get the answer than to complain about it, you are more or less admitting that you want to remain ignorant.

Today I discovered that a Google Docs spreadsheet maxes out at 100 rows, forcing you to start a new sheet. I guess that’s fair. But that means that my little weight-tracking charts are constrained to a particular size, and specifically that means that the chart corresponding to the first sheet has a particularly serendipitous endpoint:

As you might expect, I rebounded a bit subsequent to that final plummet, but not all the way back up, which is kind of nice.

As predicted, I’ve been mostly plateaued lately on the weight front, but at least not losing ground. Overall, I’ve lost a bit more than 10 lbs, which is in absolute terms pretty good, and in relative terms barely even a good start. Nevertheless I can now wear an entire selection of slacks that had become utterly unfastenable, and my belts are utilizing holes previously undisturbed. That’s always a good feeling.

With respect to blood glucose, things have been good. I got a little concerned a few weeks ago when, without any real change in my habits or diet, my glucose levels jumped ~20 points. After 4-5 days of this, I began to get downright nervous, but after a little online research I found that when you have a cold (and I did) your blood sugar becomes elevated and more difficult to control. In hindsight, my glucose readings provide a nice chart of the progress of my rhinovirus. Now that I’m reasonably healthy again, my glucose is back to normal.

I survived Halloween. Next up: Thanksgiving, and then Christmas….

You might be familiar with the comedy group “Broken Lizard”. If you’re not, then you might still be familiar with some of their movies: Supertroopers? Beerfest? After starting out as a humble sketch comedy group back at Colgate University, the five lizards have developed a knack for creating cult comedies. Their movies feature a type of humor that is characterized by Wikipedia as “physical comedy, gross-out humor.”

Okay, it’s NOT high art. Some might say it’s lowbrow, or drunk frat-boy humor. I prefer to think of it as a guilty pleasure.

In any event, Broken Lizard is releasing their new film on December 11th. It’s called “The Slammin’ Salmon”, and it remains true to their proven formula – hapless schmucks doing ridiculous things. The plot involves a Glengarry Glen Ross-type competition between the waitstaff at a high end seafood restaurant, the eponymous “Slammin’ Salmon” . The owner, a former heavyweight champion, will give $10,000 to the top-selling waiter, and a couple of broken ribs to the lowest selling one.

Hijinks, as they say, ensue.

The funny part is that I have been invited to help publicize the film by an actual PR firm here in the northwest. Why my blog? I have no earthly idea. But as some of you know, I am not above physical humor, and I believe there is a place for mindless entertainment. And it could be a hoot. So, let the shilling begin!

I’ll be posting the official trailer here and on flotsam, but for a more detailed synopsis, links to the official website, and a link to a high-quality version of the trailer just click on the movie poster in the upper right corner. That link will stay up at least until the movie debuts in December.

I will periodically be posting other promotional tidbits from the runup to the opening, and I might even be able to give away some schwag and/or advanced screening passes. We’ll see. In the meantime, check out the official trailer:

Way back when, I used to have a page where I kept of list of things I recommended. I eventually dropped it, because I didn’t really maintain it, and because no one really looked at it.

Nevertheless, I still like things, and sometimes want to tell my friends about particularly good things. So, here’s a post with some semi-enthusiastic recommendations.

Please note that in conformance with recently released FTC rules on blogger endorsements and testimonials, I must disclose that none of the makers of the consumer goods discussed herein gave me a damned thing. They are certainly welcome to do so, however. Actual free samples would be fine, but I’d also be happy with embroidered ballcaps, t-shirts with logos, or other types of schwag.

Arkansas Blacks

I was visiting a New Seasons market, which as a rule have marvelous produce departments, and found a selection of heirloom apples. One of the prettiest of the apples was a variety called an “Arkansas Black”, with a coloration so dark and lustrous it’s easy to see how it got the name.

But better than the way they look is the way they taste. The flesh has a firm, crisp texture that is intensely sweet without being cloying, and just tart enough to match the sweetness. they have so much flavor it puts most commercially-grown apples to shame.

Cypress Grove Fromage Blanc

Also at New Seasons is one of my latest addictions: Fresh fromage blanc from Cypress Grove Chèvre. It’s unbelievably tasty, creamy and mild, with just a hint of the kind of tanginess found in more aggressive goat cheeses. It’s delicious on bread, on fresh pears, or drizzled with a little bit of honey. I’m hopelessly hooked on it.

Raven’s Brew Coffee

Since dabbling with cold-extract brewing, I’ve been trying coffee from various roasters. One of my favorites is Raven’s Brew Coffee. I love this coffee. I love the flavor, I love the artwork on the packages, I love the different blends, and I love the names of the different blends. Especially Dead Man’s Reach (strong enough to wake the dead) and Three-Peckered Billy Goat:

This is tasty stuff. Try some.