I didn’t used to be infirm.

Oh, I always had health issues. But aside from hypertension and a mild case of chronic hypochondria, I was pretty healthy.

Although my general health declined as I aged and put on weight (unsurprisingly), the stool sample really hit the fan when I had children.

For example, over the course of my entire adult life, I had suffered one sinus infection. Within three years of having my first child, I was having six a year. I can now identify your most common antibiotics by taste. So, have children –> get sinusitis.

Then there was the persistent cough that just wouldn’t go away. I finally crawled to my doctor and asked him to shoot me in the head. Instead he handed me an inhaler. I found out I was predisposed to asthma. Mind you, I’d never had asthma symptoms before, not even as a child. But now, I have asthma.

Have children –> develop asthma. Are you seeing a pattern here?

Between the asthma and the sinusitis, even a mild cold has a better than even chance of turning into something worse. If it heads north, it turns into sinusitis. If it heads south, it turns into bronchitis. Either way I’ll be sucking on my inhaler for a couple of weeks. Which leads me to why my blogging has been sketchy as of late. I’m suffering from the effects of a nifty case of bronchitis.

I had a cold last week. I even took a day off from work to try and fight it off or at least speed recuperation. It didn’t matter. By last weekend I was barking like a seal and the cough just got worse from there. By Thursday I wasn’t getting any sleep and I couldn’t take it any more, so I went to see my doctor. Now I’m taking a prescription cough suppressant and a short course of azithromycin (aka Zithromax, one of my personal favorites).

Do I feel better? Yes. Do I feel good? No.

No, I’m still dragging ass, and still periodically bend over and cough until I see stars. My body is still trying to get the gunk out of my lungs, and that’s pretty much the only way to do it. The coughing gives me a constant headache.

So. Before kids: over-the-counter cold medicine and bed rest and I was right as rain. After kids: multiple prescriptions, visits to the clinic, and almost complete debilitation.

This is what children do to you. Be afraid. Be very afraid.