I rode my bike to work yesterday. In order to accomplish this miracle, I had to remember to bring a change of clothes into work the day before. I remembered everything I needed — pants, shirt, socks, underwear, shoes. Everything except a belt.

After a morning spent pulling my jeans up every few minutes, I broke down and bought a new belt at the downtown Meier & Frank. At least it’s still Meier & Frank right now. I don’t know when it will become Macy’s. It will be sad to see such a venerable institution go.

The ride in pretty much sucked. It was raining lightly, and a bit chilly. I don’t like riding in the rain, not because I don’t like getting wet, but because of the tendency of my bike to slide out from under me on wet pavement. I slid a little bit crossing the streetcar tracks downtown, but I was watching for it, and managed to avoid going down in a heap. If I’m going to do this sort of commuting semi-regularly, I think I’m going to have to get some fenders. I got to work covered with grit.

The sun came out shortly after I got to my desk, and the rest of the day was quite pleasant. This made the ride home much more enjoyable. Except for my poor aerobic conditioning, that is. That long uphill grind to the top of Barbur really sucks.

One of the nice things about biking, rather than driving, is it is more conducive to Deep Thought. The rhythmic pulse of the cadence, the pavement sliding by underneath, the constant sound of your own wheezing, it all contributes to a zen-like state of concentration. And what sorts of things do I think about? Well, just this once, I’ll share some of my deep thoughts with you:

When PAgent is an omnipotent and benevolent despot:

-Anyone who presses a crosswalk button more than twice will receive an electric shock. The strength of the shock will be proportional to how hard the button was pressed on the third or subsequent press.

-Monitors will roam the aisles of supermarkets, and any non-handicapped person who leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and wanders away from it will have their cart seized, their groceries will be reshelved, and they will have to start over.

-Anyone who is observed striding confidently into the path of oncoming traffic, assured that their special place in the universe will shield them from harm, will be forced to attend a year of classes in both basic physics and human psychology.

-Anyone observed actually accelerating toward stopped traffic will have their sports car/luxury sedan confiscated, and they will be forced to drive a Yugo for at least one year.

-Any driver observed putting on makeup by peering into the mirror on their sunvisor while in motion will have their makeup permanently applied via cosmetic tattoos, so that they need not suffer such a distraction again. The particular nature of the makeup tattoo applied will be determined by government committee.

-Any driver who changes lanes more than three times in thirty seconds while driving in commuter traffic is clearly a frustrated NASCAR driver, and will therefore be forced to race professionally (at their own expense) until they succeed in winning a race at a premier NASCAR event.