Finalized an application,
the client thinks it’s swell.
You say to him “Buddy,
I hope your product sells.”
He says “Don’t worry,
it will, I already know.
I started selling it
a couple of years ago!”
I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I’m tired of looking at my clients’ faces,
my claims don’t have any antecedent basis.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.
I should be worrying about
the doctrine of equivalents.
But I can’t seem to shake
this feeling of ambivalence
Talked to the examiner,
but he’s kinda abrasive:
“Your remarks were considered,
and deemed unpersuasive!”
I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I’m tired of looking at my clients’ faces,
my claims don’t have any antecedent basis.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.
Tell ‘em you’re a lawyer,
they start throwing you money.
But tell ‘em you’re an agent,
and they just look at you funny.
Five years of grad school
was awfully cruel.
So why do people keep asking me,
“When you going to law school?”
I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I’m tired of looking at my clients’ faces,
my claims don’t have any antecedent basis.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.
The Supreme Court says
that we practice law.
Drives the lawyers crazy,
it sticks in their craw.
They just can’t stand it.
And they won’t let it be.
I think it’s ’cause we charge
a much lower fee!
I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I want to run away to wide open spaces,
I’m tired of rejections that got no rational basis,
I’m way behind the rats in all of my races,
it sucks but at least it pays for all my kid’s braces.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.
I said I’ve got the BLUES.
Those useful, novel,
unobvious, enabled,
definite and most particular
patent agent blues.