It was prom night at Red Robin. I had some sympathy for the boys. They all looked a little lost and ill at ease. The girls, on the other hand, all looked like they were trying to look sophisticated and sexy. But it takes more than an expanse of cleavage and high heels to carry that off.

There was one young lady that just blew my mind. In contrast to the prom dresses the other girls were wearing, she had on a white ‘nurse’s uniform’, one that plunged in a deep V in front, and only extended an inch or two past her crotch. Combined with the lacy white stockings that only came up to midthigh, she presented quite a picture.

Okay, she looked like a porn star.

But someone should have told her that you can’t go halfway on an outfit like that. She sat down at her table, and immediately started smoothing her skirt, tugging it down, pulling the hem down, and smoothing it again, over and over. It was obvious why she was doing so: Once she sat down in that outfit, half the restaurant would see everything she had if she didn’t. But in her compulsive tugging, she ended up looking completely schizophrenic. Why put that dress on in the first place if you care what people see? If you’re going to pull off a dress like that, you really need to just embrace your inner tramp.

It seemed to me that all the girls, and not just the budding porn star, thought that being sexy had to do with the clothes they wore, the makeup they had on, and the jewelry they put on. They just weren’t old enough to have learned that sexy doesn’t start at your clothes and go in, sexy starts between your ears and works its way out.

And just a side note to the young woman at the table next to ours: It was, like, really fun to, like, listen to you, like, talk to your friends. But I, like, hope that when you go to, like, college, you pick a major that, like, doesn’t involve public speaking.