PAgent’s Progress

Words Are My Favorite Toys

May 5th, 2006

The Patent Agent Blues

Finalized an application,
the client thinks it’s swell.
You say to him “Buddy,
I hope your product sells.”

He says “Don’t worry,
it will, I already know.
I started selling it
a couple of years ago!”

I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I’m tired of looking at my clients’ faces,
my claims don’t have any antecedent basis.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.

I should be worrying about
the doctrine of equivalents.
But I can’t seem to shake
this feeling of ambivalence

Talked to the examiner,
but he’s kinda abrasive:
“Your remarks were considered,
and deemed unpersuasive!”

I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I’m tired of looking at my clients’ faces,
my claims don’t have any antecedent basis.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.

Tell ‘em you’re a lawyer,
they start throwing you money.
But tell ‘em you’re an agent,
and they just look at you funny.

Five years of grad school
was awfully cruel.
So why do people keep asking me,
“When you going to law school?”

I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I’m tired of looking at my clients’ faces,
my claims don’t have any antecedent basis.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.

The Supreme Court says
that we practice law.
Drives the lawyers crazy,
it sticks in their craw.

They just can’t stand it.
And they won’t let it be.
I think it’s ’cause we charge
a much lower fee!

I’ve got the blues.
Oh, oh, oh,
I’ve got the blues.
I want to run away to wide open spaces,
I’m tired of rejections that got no rational basis,
I’m way behind the rats in all of my races,
it sucks but at least it pays for all my kid’s braces.
I’ve got the blues.
Those patent agent blues.
I said I’ve got the BLUES.
Those useful, novel,
unobvious, enabled,
definite and most particular
patent agent blues.

May 5th, 2006

Wandering Aengus

Just wanted to devote a post to Wandering Aengus Ciderworks. Brendan, the Marketing Director for Wandering Aengus was dispensing samnples of their Medium-Sweet and Semi-Dry cider last night, and I had the opportunity to chat with him for a while. He’s clearly enthusiastic about the product, and quite knowledgeable about cidermaking, and more importantly the cider was just plain excellent.

Mimi and Nick at Wandering Aengus use certified organic heirloom cider apple varieties, and traditional cidermaking techniques to create some kickass cider. Brenden says you can find Wandering Aengus cider at a number of local shops, but you can certainly shop online at their website. I’m pretty enthused about the possibility of visiting the tasting room at their ciderworks.

Keep up the good work, guys.

UPDATE: D’oh! I can’t believe I didn’t work in a “Colonel Aengus” reference. Man, I’m losing my edge.

May 5th, 2006

First Thursday

First Thursday is a tradition in Portland, a gallery walk on the first Thursday of the month where folks meander from art gallery to art gallery, looking at the artworks, sipping wine, munching cheese, and discussing the finer points of art appreciation. At least, that’s what I’d always thought it was.

Last night I had the opportunity to be in the Pearl District for First Thursday, and got a chance to see the reality. While there were plenty of people who were clearly patrons of the arts, it was also clear to me that First Thursday is mostly a pub crawl with delusions of sophistication.

Not that there weren’t entertaining moments. A young man wandered in and starting playing a didgeridoo. If the sound of a didgeridoo being played live and in person isn’t surreal enough for you, ask the performer to wander slowly around the room pointing it at people as he plays. I must admit that I’ve rarely seen anyone with a better mastery of circular breathing.

I’m not going to make any judgments and say that we had a homeless guy in the crowd, but this guy sat in the corner of the lobby all night long, periodically going back to the buffet table for more sandwiches and chips and getting a refill of wine. His conversation with the wine server was classic:

“(mumble)”

“Ah, would you like some more wine?”

“(mumble)”

“I see. And what were you drinking, the pinot grigio?”

“(mumble)”

“I’m sorry, what did you say you were drinking?”

“Red”

“Ah. Something red. Well. Here’s some more ‘red’.”

I also saw several examples of young hipsters in their native habitat. I was shocked to discover that I was quite familiar with the current hip and happening hairstyle. In fact, I realized that I often sport that very trendy ‘do myself. Of course, in my case, I generally call it ‘bedhead’ and reach for the mousse to try and eradicate it.

And what’s with young, apparently healthy males carrying around toy dogs? I’m sorry, I can’t take a man seriously that owns a chihuahua or a toy poodle. You better at least have a pug with a bad attitude if you don’t want your masculinity seriously questioned.

Sadly, most folks just ducked in, scoped out the snakki treats, grabbed some wine, and left. However, even I have to admit that the Pearl District was alive last night. There were a ton of people out and about, sitting on sidewalks, talking and laughing, and generally enjoying the particularly fine evening. There was an almost carnival atmosphere in the Pearl. I think I’d like to come back sometime, and bring the wife. Maybe I’ll even muss up my hair for the evening.